I Have to Wonder....

Last night, right before I went to bed I heard the sad news of the death of a former school mate. This particular guy had been two years ahead of me in school, but was one of those people everybody knew. Outgoing, athletic, popular back in the day. Swiftly following the news of his passing, came the cause, suicide. Sadly, this is not the first suicide out of this particular group of guys I went to school with. Another one did the same thing about a year ago.

I just can't quite wrap my head around it. It makes me sad. I won't say that I was every extremely close to him, but we were friendly and I always enjoyed being around him back then. He was so damn funny! Just one of those people that seemed to have no pretensions whatsoever. I'd seen him many times during the past 25 years as his sister was a neighbor of mine and we each had a child at the same school. I always enjoyed seeing him and doing the catch-up thing.

It occurred to me this morning that we are now at midlife I suppose. Maybe sometimes things just get overwhelming and there seems like no way out and people just can't deal with their lives not being the way they pictured. I don't know, I'm just speculating. Or thinking out loud. But as I watched the outpouring of grief and sorrow on facebook from the people he knew, silly memories, fun memories, poignant ones, I had to wonder if someone would do this if they realized just how much people cared. How very heartsick the loss of this funny outgoing man makes others. I have to wonder if something might have changed, if only he knew.

So, I'm going to promise myself to be sure I tell people when they pop in my head unexpectedly and the memory makes me smile. I want people to know that they matter to me. I'm going to do a better job of that going forward.